Gyeah.com Gossip - April 2001

At the request of some of our female viewers, I will now bring you the scoop, dish, dirt and 411 for April. However, the one thing that I know about gossip is that it doesn’t really matter who or what it’s about, as long as it’s juicy and short enough for teenage girls and rich forty-five year old women to remember. From the world of your school or workplace to the world of the Gyeah offices and the entertainment world, nothing is safe from my radar. With that being said, here’s the dirt you’ve been looking for, ladies.

School & Work

--Did you see Bria today? I mean, she is such a slut! I heard that she let Kevin reach third base during the state championship basketball game, right in the stands. I sooo hate her.

--Word is that Mr. Richards has a secret little fling going on with that senior cheerleader, Yancy Lingstad. The only thing is that she’s not eighteen yet, so they really can’t be seen together until Yancy graduates. However, I’ve heard that Yancy’s been taking up a lot of Mr. Richards’ office hours, if you know what I mean.

--I hear that the manager at your local McDonald’s is having lugi deep frying contests with the deep fryer. Facts are still sketchy, but word has it that Raul hocked one up that was a full three inches in diameter after being fried to a golden brown.

--Speaking of Raul, I hear that the Navy wouldn’t take him even though he passed the physical exams and you know what that means!

--I heard something about you getting caught alone in the locker room back in freshman year after the day we did the rope climb. You sick little monkey!

Entertainment

--Recruit Brown admitted that she’s a lesbian this week on Fox’s “Boot Camp.” Recruit Daar, the 40 something pig farmer commented on how she’d been sleeping right next to Brown and hadn’t noticed anything. This leads me to believe that Brown is either very sneaky or that Daar’s just not coming clean. In any case, Daar was voted off, along with Pupo. I think that the women of “Boot Camp” are sending a clear message. “If you’re not a man-hater, you have no room in our forbidden bunk of pleasures.”

--Does anybody else find it odd that Benecio del Torro was in a Calvin Klein commercial with Heather Graham a few years back? I mean, Heather is great, but do people really relate sexiness to the guy that played the four fingered gambler in “Snatch?”

--On the concert circuit, the Matchbox 20/Everclear/Lifehouse tour has received a lot of press. The only problem is that the general consensus is that “After Everclear blows the roof off the building for fifty minutes, Matchbox 20 spends the next two hours putting it back on.” Maybe the headline band isn’t the one it should be...

--There doesn’t seem to be much room in the current professional wrestling world for Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner, two of Ted Turner’s WCW’s biggest draws. Also, the WWF’s brand of wrestling has fan favorite Goldberg a bit turned off with wrestling in general. There have been increasing rumblings about The Rock being a one trick pony. Time will only tell if this proves true.

--Completely proving that Hollywood has signed a pact with Lucifer himself, a “Spy Kids” sequel is already being talked about. Speaking of sequels, how the hell did they ever come up with “Weekend At Bernie’s 2?” Wouldn’t people have noticed that he was just a little bit of hair and skin hanging off a skeleton after the first movie had been on the shelf for a year?

--Word is that Brittney Spears must be Jam, ‘cuz Jelly don’t shake like that. Word is that she’s not returning my calls, e-mail, fan mail, telegrams, sky writings, flower-grams or passionate glances from the tree outside her house either.

Sports

--Unsubstantiated word is that after Hideo Nomo pitched his amazing AL no-hitter, he was heard screaming a long tirade in Japanese. While I don’t claim to know any Japanese at all, I have worked on an English translation for the better part of the night and here is what I’ve deciphered.

“I am Nomo! Nomo has brought many disgraces to the Baltimore Oriole family! Nomo disgraces them with every pitch by showing them Nomo’s ass during Nomo’s super-happy-power windup before Nomo strikes them out! Nomo is great, Nomo is favored! No-no-no-no-no-no-mo, No-no-no-no-no-mo! Sing with Nomo, American swine! Nomo will lead your country to a new era of pseudo-Japanese submission of women and love for Nomo! Now bring Nomo his Boston Red Sox varsity jacket and bring Nomo’s bicycle around to the VIP entrance!”

You simply can’t argue with that.

--Recent speculation has lead us to believe that Allen Iverson is a CIA double-agent working in the mind control sector. How else can you explain why people would pay $450 for a leather jacket with his name on it?

--Word is that NHL hockey is the fastest game on earth but nobody seems to care.

--In a stunning turn of events, we have been lead to believe that elite college athletes aren’t cocky, they’re just misunderstood. Try telling that to anyone who knows Cal’s graduating basketball stud, Sean Lampley.

--Word is that a possible return of Sir Charles and MJ to the Washington Wizards won’t be enough to get them past the Philadelphia 76’ers next NBA season. That may be true, but the free agent role-players they sign this summer should suffice.

--Does anyone remember when the Atlanta Falcons’ Ray Buchanon stated that Shannon Sharpe, now Baltimore’s two-Super Bowl ring wearing tight end, “looks like a horse?” I hear you, Ray. Big ups...or something like that. Too bad he’s a freaking thoroughbred, huh Ray?

Gyeah

--Word is that Gyeah’s own Aron Rave has completed his first movie, “Tony vs. The Zombies.” Congrats goes to our favorite bastard.

--In a somewhat related story, Gyeah’s own Vigilante has been acting in a variety of shows at his university. Maybe we’ll see a related crossover one of these days, “Vigilante vs. The Bastards.”

--On other Vigilante related material, Vigi has been given the unofficial title of “King of Heat” for his marvelous performances on the varying Gyeah message boards.

--Word is that Goc has seen things from the other Tama boys that people just shouldn’t have to see, especially when concerned with Shooks.

--Aron Rave’s English continues to improve, much to the dismay of some Gyeah-ites who now believe that Ravespeak should now become the official Canadian language.

--Word is that Charmel fears Hoss and appreciates the fact that they are on opposite sides of the nation.

--On other Charmel related news, speculation has arisen over allegations of him doctoring his bio photos to hide the fact that he is actually a fifty-seven year old Hispanic woman.

--Speculation has led us to believe that Vigilante may indeed be the sexiest of the Gyeah staff now that doubt has arisen over the suspect Charmel photos.

--Charmel is, indeed, your momma's favorite.

--We are still unsure as to what the ingredients of Brunswick Stew are, but we do believe it is mighty tasty.

--Word is that this final post is a shameless plug to tell you how wonderful www.gyeah.com really is.

-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about Charmel? Here you go.