Things That Piss Vigilante Off - Working At A Theater

You know, during every summer period...young people (like myself) flock to the usual spots to get a summer job. You know the usual spot...fast food restaurants, electronics store, clothing retail, or the movie theater. Folks, Vigilante here has been working at a movie theater for the last two summers. If anything pisses Vigilante off the most, its the dumb f*cks that you encounter in the cineplex.

How dumb are these people you ask? Dumb isn't even the word to describe them...that word has yet to be created. For instance, recently a film entitled "A.I." was released. People will come up to the Box Office window and ask, "Can I have two tickets for A1?". A1?!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!? Has the name of the movie been changed from Artificial Intelligence to Artificial Onetelligence in a matter of seconds?!? The number ONE is nowhere near that f'n title. You dumb whores!! How about you give me your 7.50, and I slide you bastards a bottle of steak sauce? Then, if you have the nerve to ask me why did I give you the bottle..I'll respond "You said A1 bitch! May I help who's next?" Simple as that.

Oh, there are a lot more dumb people that stroll by the box office window. Those people that say, "May I have two senior tickets?" After a few moments of dead silence, and a blank glare from my face..I ask "For what Movie?" AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKIN MIND READER?!? After they feel their ignorance slap them in the face, they respond "Aw, I guess that would help. Haha." Yes bastard, yes it would.

Lets not forget the people who tie up your box office line staring aimlessly at the marquee that is above my head. Say I have a long line, someone will come up to the window and ask a question "Do you guys have (fill in the movie?" OR "What time does 'so and so' start?". If I did not need money this summer, my response would be "Considering your stupid ass was in line for about 10 minutes and you were staring directly at the marquee which tells you all the movies we have, and the times they begin. I should take my hand and wrap it around your god damn throat until you breathe your last breath." Since I do need the money however, I give them the "dumb ass" look and point above me at all the movies we have.

Yeah, Box office brings us a lot of dumb people. But lets not forget the people that come to the concession line. There is an entire display of about 20 different types of candy. A person comes up to my line, and points in the direction of the candy they want and says "Can I get some of them?" Them?!? Bitch, what is them?!? There are five different candies over there, what the fuck do you want?!? Stop standing there like a Cheshire cat on speed, and add some clarity to this f'n conversation before I come across this counter and snap on your ass.

Concession also brings you those people that bring there 5 kids to the movies, then when they get to the concession stand they give each kid there own money for them each to buy something separately. When they could have just put everything together and saved some serious time. Now, I know parents want to teach there children how to count and handle money. BUT NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING 4TH OF JULY RUSH. If I had a gun in the drawer behind concession stand, the rate of children in the Detroit area would be seriously low.

The other f'd up thing about concession dumb asses is when you are taking their order. You push everything up on the screen, and leave it there for the person to see their total while you go and prepare their order. You return and the dumb fuck is wondering what their total is, standing their looking like that annoying kid in highschool who no matter what...you just felt like slapping his ass. You point to the display of their total in front of your register, and they are like "Hehe, was that there all the time?" Yes,you fuckin cunt, it was.

Let's leave concession for a moment. There are more things that disturb me about that position, but I could write a book report about that..and I've already gone on for quite some time. Let's take a gander at Ushering. This job isn't that bad, expect for when those kids flicks come out. You enter the theatre, and you wonder did these kids take the concessionist," Have a nice day" as a subliminal message saying "Pour the entire $4.75 bag of popcorn on the fuckin floor...please?" I mean, is manners the last thing these little bastards are taught nowadays. Or is the problem the fact that when dinners made back at home, you throw the corn, beans, and chicken on the floor and have the kids eat up from there? Unless you're Shooks, I don't think that's the case. So adults, HAVE YOUR BASTARDS clean up their mess!! That "Please Deposit Trash" message at the beginning of the film isn't a joke. Keep fuckin around, and there will be a message at the beginning of the film that reads "The 6'1" African-American usher is about to enter the theatre with a gun, and shoot you all in the fuckin head." Don't listen to that one, and see what happens.

Even with all the people that come in and piss me off day to day, the thing that bothers me the most is this co-worker of mine. Her name is Molly, and she has to be the most L.D. person I've met in quite some time. She works the door position (rips tickets and tells people where to go), and at night she is supposed to sweep and mop behind concession when the concessionists are finished cleaning. Notice the word 'finished' is in italics. Everyday this bitch Molly comes in during shift change, right after we get done with a rush of people. The behind the concession area is a little disastrous, and it should be. We haven't had time to clean it up. When we get time, we shall do so. Molly comes in, and asks can you sweep this us...and repeats it over and over until someone acknowledges her. This pisses me the fuck off, but I choose not to say anything. I just ignore her, like I would child that says "Are we there yet?" way too many fuckin times. That was, until the other day. I'm counting stock at night while we are closed, and this whore comes around with a broom sweeping. She says excuse me, but I'm in the middle of counting..so I ignore her and don't move. She sweeps shit on me...Vigilante snaps and cusses the retard the fuck out. She then says, "you shouldn't be cussing at me, I'm going to tell the manager." Vigilante here goes over to the phone, puts the shit in dumb ass Molly's face, and say, "He's upstairs bitch, call him down." and then I walk away. My manager comes down (not because she called, she wasn't smart enough to dial up or something) but to count the drawer for the night. So she goes up to him while he's counting (he already doesn't like this girl), and says "Could you ask them to stop cussing at me?" My manager turns blood red, and looks like he's about to choke Molly. But he holds himself back, and just yells at her "I thought I told you to not sweep back here until they are done cleaning. You don't leave till midnight, go do something else...or do something even more worthwhile..help them out". Vigilante here could do nothing but smile, and the retard left the concession area.

Of course, she returned once he went up stairs to count the money. Like she's going to self destruct if her hoe ass don't "Sweep every thing up now". So, Vigilante makes it a point to clean the popper out a lot messier. Wiping counters with paper towels and throwing them on the floor. She looked mad, but she wouldn't dare say a word. If she did, Vigilante would be out of a job folks. So, everytime I see her now..I just stare her ass down. She doesn't bring her dumb ass behind concession anymore, but if she does...the second I clock out on my last day of work. I'm slapping the hell out of that L.D bitch!! In fact, if you know any 'Molly's...go up to them and slap them, just because.

Needless to say, Vigilante is often pissed off at his job. I'm not saying all movie theaters are like this, I'm sure some of them are wonderful and have a great staff. Mine isn't one of them. But, if you find yourself in a bad summer job that's really racking your brain. Just think...its almost over.

-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about Vigilante? Here you go.