EDITOR'S
NOTE: Aron Rave is Gyeah.com's honorary Canadian. Therefore, his primary
language is NOT English. Enjoy!
By the time you read this article, the world will know what
IT is, this invention that will supposedly change our lives forever. If you don’t
know what I’m talking about, screw you. Or check THIS.
Some say it’s a new kind of scooter, some say it could fly, while some don’t
give a damn. Anyway, we don’t know what IT is. The code name is Ginger, it may change
the world forever, but the mystery is too much to take. So fuck IT, let me tell you what
it’s gonna be.
#10: IT will be A triple
dildo:
Times are changing, and so are lesbian's relationships. Girls, are you tired of waiting
for your turn during every triple way, because the 2 headed dildo just can’t make
everyone happy? IT will change your life, in and out of bed! But please, don’t forget
about us men!
#9: IT will be A flying submarine:
Hey kids, wanna be the king of your school? Well screw the school bus, take a ride with
your own… flying submarine! Yes! Adapted to sky and sea, IT will help you become the
sex symbol of your school, because God knows a 4th grader needs that bad. Ah, useless
inventions, we love you. * Do not fly near buildings, seriously *
#8: IT will be A giant laser:
Damn terrorists, they just can’t give up. Or won’t they? Because with IT the
giant laser, we will just destroy every country that doesn’t fit! No more bombing
that takes months for any results, no more sending soldiers trying to fix things, IT will
blow the damn place up in less than a second! But wait… what if those terrorists get
one of IT ?…
#7: IT will be A classic songs CD
for only 4 payments of 19.99$:
We just love those ads, don’t we? The ’80's were incredibly devastating.
#6: IT will be A giant toaster:
Totally useless, but we love giant things. Another spot in the Guinness’ records
book, which seems to have become a big joke. A giant joke. But we love giant things.
I’m lost.
#5: IT will be A talking monkey:
Isn’t IT what we all want? Something that is both smart and can be used to scratch
your ass! Millions of little monkeys, which can help you with your homework, can give you
business advice or even sing the Titanic theme song for hours! No friend? Here’s the
solution! IT will be the perfect pal.
#4: IT will be A Harry Potter
poster:
Or whatever item with Harry Potter written on IT. You could write Harry Potter on a
pony’s ass and every kid in the country would want to have his own mammal’s
anus. Shit, I could get in trouble for putting kids and anus in the same sentence, better
stop now.
#3: IT will be my new movie,
"Quel monde choisit-tu":
The story of an heroin addict dreaming of the perfect world, directed by yours truly. I
just finished IT and IT will be projected very soon. Change the world? They are talking
about me of course! Weee!
#2: IT will be A transportation
device:
The future, NOW! Yes, just like Captain Kurt, we too will be able to transport wherever we
like! No more traffic, no more walking, just instant transportation! We will all be as fat
as Shooks, but won’t it be worth it? Every reader will be able to transport to Goc's
house and party with the Gyeah staff all night long!
#1: IT will be A failure:
That’s probably what’s gonna happen, because as hyped as IT is, no one will
accept an electric toothbrush, it’s better be HUGE. This guy said he was gonna be
richer than Bill Gates, he won’t be able to sell microwave dog food to anyone.
Anyway, be ready for IT, and let see if this guy can survive the hype.
|
