Murderous Pop Stars?!?

They seem so innocent as they take over the radio with their love-dovey crap pop songs, but not all these pop icons are as cuddly as they seem. Murder and ultraviolence are constant themes for the more hardcore musicians out there, ala Korn, Eminem, Snoop Doggy Dogg, but it seems some of the more radio-friendly artists out there have some blood lust of their own. Don't believe me, look at these murderous pop stars:

macygray_187.jpg (10291 bytes)

Verbal Murderer/Song Title:

Macy Gray - "I've Committed Murder"

Victims:

1 - Macy's man friend's boss via Assault

Murderous Lyrics:

I said, "give him the little bit of money you owe him"
She said "get back bitch I ain't givin you shit"
I said "you ole bag, maybe you ain't heard but them are
fightin words"
I've committed murder and I think I got away

See baby there was this struggle
And I don't feel bad about it

Criminal Comparison:

-Lizzie Borden

PRISON SENTENCE:

Manslaughter - 10 to 20 Years

Future Victims?:

-Rumor has it that Dr. Dre is producing a track on Macy's next album. Can you say 187 on an undercover cop by an afro-clad R&B chickadee? I know I can. Her fro=conceals murder weapons. NUFF SAID.

dixies_187.jpg (15757 bytes)

Verbal Murderer/Song Title:

Dixie Chicks - "Goodbye Earl"

Victims:

1 - Wanda's Husband Earl via Poison

Murderous Lyrics:

And it didn't take them
Long to decide that
Earl had to die.

Goodbye Earl
Those blackeyed peas
They tasted alright to me, Earl
You feelin' weak?
Why don't you lay down and sleep, Earl
Ain't it dark
Wrapped up in that tarp, Earl

Criminal Comparison:

The Black Widow X 3

PRISON SENTENCE:

ACQUITTED (by a sympathetic (female) jury)

Future Victims?:

-All fat, wife-beating, whiskey swilling, white trash husbands out there...could be next. Fear the Dixie Chicks, superheros for the abused women around the world.

beatles_187.jpg (23076 bytes)

Verbal Murderer/Song Title:

The Beatles - "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"

Victims:

1 - Joan (Maxwell's GF) via Silver Hammer
2 - Maxwell's Teacher via Hammer
3 - Judge who sentences Maxwell via the usual

Murderous Lyrics:

BANG! BANG!
MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER CAME DOWN UPON HER HEAD.
CLANG! CLANG!
MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER MADE SURE THAT SHE WAS DEAD.

BUT WHEN SHE TURNS HER BACK ON THE BOY,
HE CREEPS UP FROM BEHIND.

SAY HE MUST GO FREE. (Maxwell must go free)
THE JUDGE DOES NOT AGREE AND HE TELLS THEM SO-O-O-O.
BUT AS THESE WORDS ARE LEAVING HIS LIPS,
A NOISE COMES FROM BEHIND.
BANG! BANG!
MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER CAME DOWN UPON HIS HEAD.
(Doo doo doo doo doo)
CLANG! CLANG!
MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER MADE SURE THAT HE WAS DEAD.

Criminal Comparison:

-Jack The Ripper

PRISON SENTENCE:

DEATH!!!

Future Victims?:

-Since "Maxwell" was written by the still alive-and-kicking Paul McCartney, there is always hope that Maxwell's murder spree can be continued. But then that would be interesting, and we all know pop music is rarely that. Am I the only one who wishes Maxwell could do a lil' Bang! Bang! on the Buttstreak Boys? I think not.

-After listening to these songs I've begun to look at some of these pop artists in a different light. Personally I have too much respect for my ears to play any Dixie Chicks on a regular basis, but at least they have proven they've got some cojones for putting out a song about murdering a spouse. Wait, they don't have cojones..well nevermind. And for those of you who were like me and dismissed the Beatles as just some British pansies, give "Maxwell" a listen, you won't be disappointed. Before I go, I just want you remember, next time you hear some corny pop song on the radio....it could be a murderer in disguise. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED! FEAR POP MUSIC! (I know I do.).

*Note: Images are copyright of their owners and were just tweaked for entertainment... and remember this is all in good fun...DAMNIT!

-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about The Goc? Here you go.