-This
past week a part of my body has betrayed me. And I don't mean my penis getting excited
during a Golden Girls re-run. NO, this time the perpetrator is my back. It suddenly,
without warning, decided to hurt whenever I moved. Perhaps it's payback for when I got it
repeatedly stabbed when I got my tattoo. But I have no damn idea. The reason is unknown to
me, but it's got me thinking...What body parts couldn't I live without? What parts would I
REFUSE to live without? Well, here goes...
Top 10
Body Parts that I Refuse to Live Without
Rank |
Picture |
WHY?!?: |
#10. |
 |
My
Back - With a dead back all things cause pain. Playstation2, eating,
sitting, typing, hell even sleeping hurts. My back problems have bent me over like a damn
hunchback and have reduced me to a complete weakling. Mary Kate & Ashley could beat me
in a weightlifting contest. I piss! Wait! Even pissing hurts! Doh! |
#9. |
 |
My
Hair - At age 10, I found out the hard way that, I could not live without
my hair. It was the "in" thing to do, so I shaved my head, only to find out my
head was more oddly shaped and deformed than a midget that's been force-fed to a garbage
disposal. If they would have had rogaine around then, I would have been bringing back pop
cans to buy some. |
#8. |
 |
My Leg - Without a leg, I wouldn't be able to skip, jump
rope, and play hop-scotch. Not that I give two f*cks about those things, but I can play a
mean game of 4 square. But why I really wouldn't want to live without a leg is I wouldn't
be able to boot Shooks in the ass. Give it a try, you'll be hooked too. |
#7. |
 |
My Sack - That's right, I wouldn't want to live without my
package. Not my penis, just the sack. The sack seems to serve no purpose besides stinking
and being every man's weak spot. But, I wouldn't be me if I couldn't shove my hand in my
pants and itch my sack like there was no tomorrow at the drop of a hat. Sure without it, I
wouldn't have to waste my time by itching it. But if it ain't broke, don't fix it. It's
like a ball player washing his socks during a winning streak...he just ain't gonna do it. |
#6. |
 |
My Eyebrows - Have you seen how goofy a bastard looks
without his eyebrows? Just look at poor Keanu over there, even the bad ass Neo looks like
a straight fool. I've never suffered the horrid fate, but I've seen some that were far
less lucky. Never, ever pass out around foolios you don't trust or you could end up
looking like an asshole. If someone ever shaves my eyebrows while I sleep, they might as
well slit my throat while they're at it. |
#5. |
 |
My Wisdom Teeth - I know you're thinking..WHAT THE HELL?
Most people get their wisdom teeth taken out. Well, I REFUSE! For years now, I've put up
with the pain of my teeth growing in, and I'm damn happy about it. When they finally come
in, I'll have 2 more teeth than 90% of the people on the planet! I'll be a much more
efficient eater and will appear more deadly to a rapist who likes oral pleasure. Bet you
want your wisdom teeth back now. Haha. Naive bastards! |
#4. |
 |
My Elbows - I'm a very skinny, scrawny man. I look like
Ghandi on a year long fast and because of this I don't strike fear into people and
typically job in physical altercations. I probably couldn't do much damage with my fists
and feet as I lack the necessary mass behind them. But being bone skinny has given me very
deadly elbows. The bones are right behind the skin waiting to cut up someone's kidney area
or to stab some other meaty region. |
#3. |
 |
My Appendix - The most mysterious body part of all. Some
people's appendix hurts, they end up in the hospital, get surgery, are put in a skimpy
gown, and their penis accidentally slips out and their mother sees it. (Right Kenyon?
Haha). Do you want your mom to see your penis? I know I don't. I want to keep my damn
appendix! And admit it, don't you think it's kinda cool that the appendix does nothing
99.9% of the time, but whenever it feels the urge it can attempt to take your life. Mark
out! |
#2. |
 |
My Hands - Who in their right mind would want to live a
life without hands? They bring you the glorious 3 B's. Those being Butts, Boobies, and
Bras. There is nothing better in life than playing with breasts in a nice bra and slapping
some occasional ass. (Just ask Jenna, hehe.) Without hands you'd have to awkwardly attempt
to do these things with your feet. NO Thank you! And also without hands typing in the URL
for gregpix.com and hitting switches on the PS2 would be impossible. Oh yeah, and slapping
Shooks with your hands is pretty cool too. I love my hands, and sometimes my hands love
me. Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge. |
#1. |
 |
My Anus - Do you know what a colostomy bag is? Do you have
any clue what this god-awful device is? If you're clueless, it is a bag that you wear to
hold liquid feces in the event that you're unable to husk normally. It is put in when
someone loses their anus. How does someone lose their anus? Getting hit by a limo and
"playfully" sticking a garden hose up your ass are two ways that come to mind.
Shitting is one of the simple joys in my life and I wouldn't trade my anus for all the
money in the world. You'd be rich and famous, but you'd still have a bag of shit attached
to your hip. Think about that the next time you joke about sticking something up your ass! |
-Well that's all for my
list of body parts that I would live without. Just remember everyone: STAY SAFE, WEAR YOUR
HELMETS, SEATBELTS, CONDOMS, AND PAPER ASS GASKETS! Oh yeah, I almost forget the real body
part I refuse to live without. Think you know it? Its.....
MY PENIS
YOU DUMB BASTARDS! |
