Charmies' Wrestler Wrankings

A Story by

Charmel

CWW Tag Team Division

To start off, we’ll take a look at the most misused division of professional wrestling, the tag team division. After all, I thought that tag teams were eventually supposed to increase the professional standing of each wrestler as a singles entity. Also, tag team wrestling can be the most entertaining form of wrestling if it is done right. However, besides a few select teams in the industry, it simply isn’t done right. So, here are the people who do it right in my mind...

CWW Tag Team Champions: Edge & Christian

They have the look, they have great skills on the stick and these guys can actually perform some nice moves. Christian may be the most underrated technical wrestler in the business because he has the body of a high flyer. However, ask yourself, how often do I see Christian go up top? Edge is the real star of this team though. If he isn’t at least in the Intercontinental title hunt within a year and a half, I’ll shave my left eyebrow off in protest.

Number 1 Contenders: Sean O’Haire & Chuck Palumbo

I know you’re thinking that I’m crazy, but just think now. O’Haire has a better look than Goldberg and better in ring and stick skills at such a young age. His upside is immeasurable. On the other side of the tag team, you’ve got one of the most complete up-and-coming wrestlers in the business. Sure, his hair style reeks of something from a Prince video, but Palumbo has great execution on his moves and a good feel for his matches. As long as O’Haire works out a new finisher to replace the now unimpressive Swanton, these guys will be a top rung tag team.

Also Ran #1: The Hardy Boyz

You have to give the nod to the Carolina boys here. Sure, their regular matches have been a little stale of late, but Matt and Jeff seem willing to take the risks and work on the new moves that will keep the team interesting for some time to come. They might want to seriously think about taking Lita out of their matches though. I love Lita and all, but her, “Hurricanranna the bad guy and then get hurt” routine is taking a little away from this quality tag team each match she interferes in.

Also Ran #2: Elix Skipper & Kid Romeo

Skipper is the real gem of the WCW roster. His ego and voice are enough to put him over and his great athletic ability and ring skills will take him the rest of the way. Kid Romeo has “the look” and a decent arsenal of moves. The two fresh faces on the scene have great potential for a team as long as they get their characters straight and their continuity down. I’d say heavy on the Skipper, a little Romeo and a pinch of oregano should make for a tasty combination.

Missed The Cut: The Dudley Boyz, The Canadians, Luger & Bagwell, RTC

Dudley Boyz, can you say deja vu? I sure can after watching your last twenty matches. I have other plans for Storm, Luger & Bagwell can retire for all I care and although RTC is probably about as over as a team can get, they just don’t have the versatility to come through with consistently entertaining matches.

CWW Cruiserweight Title

Now that you’re familiar with how this is going to flow, let’s take a peep at the one thing that kept people watching WCW during the past two years. The cruiserweight division has the talent and ability to steal the show with any match on any given night. The mix of high flying moves and fast paced action make this an important division to keep alive.

CWW Cruiserweight Champion: Eddie Guerrero

Sure, “Latino Heat” is a bit bigger than today’s common CW, but if you’re one of the few wrestling fans that has an attention span of over ten seconds, you’ll realize that he was possibly WCW’s best cruiserweight for years. WWF made him into a bit more of a stereotypical character than he was with WCW, but the simple fact is that if you feed Guerrero quality cruiserweight competition, he’ll churn out great matches.

Number 1 Contender: Rey Mysterio, Jr.

What can you say about Rey? He’s been the most consistent risk taker in the business for years. He practically never misses a step, which is quite an accomplishment for someone who does what he does. His stick skills may not be the best and he may look like he’s thirteen, but he’s still one of the best in the business. Also, does anyone remember the Nash vs. Mysterio matches? I rest my case.

Also Ran #1: Dean Malenko

I know you must think I’m crazy here, but just hear me out for a bit. Malenko has never been your typical cruiserweight. Hell, he looks like he should be selling insurance. However, it’s the mix of great technical skills mixed in with the high flying style of the cruiserweights that make his matches so fun to watch for anyone who gives a damn about execution (WWF marks can leave the room now). The only reason why Malenko hasn’t been as entertaining in his WWF days as he was with WCW is that there simply aren’t any great cruiserweights to work with.

Also Ran #2: Shane Helms

Sure, he’s ridiculously funny looking with that little beard, but he’s got some real nice moves and a great cruiserweight body. Long arms and legs make some of his high flying moves look pretty dern impressive. His entrance music is unforgivable, but the Vertibreaker is a nice finisher. He seems to work well and his stick skills are coming along.

Also Ran #3: Billy Kidman

Kidman is still one of the most polished CW’s out there. His execution is near perfect and any screw-ups you may have noticed in WCW have been mostly on his under-experienced opponent’s behalf. I’m not a big fan of the Billy Kidman promo, but he’s proven time and again that he can deliver the goods.

Also Ran #4: Yang

The one question you have to ask is, “How do I make this guy a star?” The American wrestling crowd hasn’t been too keen on the boys from the East, but you can’t deny that this guy has a great upside and some tremendous skills. He’d make a great third man for a CW triple threat on any roster.

Also Ran #5: Kid Kwik

He has a great look and constantly progressing skills. Kwik is one of the guys that the WWF brought in that I said, “Hey, this guy’s gonna be a star.” This was the first time I said that of a WWF rookie since the first time I laid eyes on Edge and look what happened there.

Also Ran #6: Shannon Moore

Shannon has a nice overall style although his execution seems a bit off at times. I’m having trouble cheering for a guy named Shannon, but this guy can make for some good entertainment.

Also Ran #7: Tajiri

I have to give the nod here to the ECW product. Tajiri has a fairly decent arsenal and could make a pretty nice heel if you worked him right. Poor guy is ugly as sin and I think that a lot of the impact from his moves came from the acoustics of the ECW Bingo Hall, but he’s still an engaging character.

Also Ran #8: Juventud Guerrera

If you keep Juvy off the stick and out of jail, you’ve got a really sound veteran cruiserweight that can still churn out some quality matches, especially with other top high flyers like Mysterio and Yang.

Missed The Cut: Chavo, Crash Holly, Kid Kash, Mikey Wipwreck, Essa Rios, Funaki, Kaz Hyashi, Taka Michinoku, Scotty 2 Hotty, X-Pac

Yes, I know that there are some nice names in there, especially Rios and X-Pac (if he expands his move set), but come on, I’ve only got eight roster spots. Chavo could easily take the place of any of the top eight guys, but hell, this is my list, not an official ranking. Crash is a great worker but why don’t you get him over? Kash is missing the look along with Mikey, Funaki, Kaz and Taka all suffer from Tajiri’s problem but also lack his appeal and Scotty, well, Scotty just doesn’t wrestle.

CWW Superfluous Title

For those of you from Kentucky, superfluous refers to something that is more or less null and void of meaning or totally unnecessary. Every federation seems to have at least one or two of these, be it a United States, Intercontinental, Hardcore or TV title. They’re basically a tangible goal to help gain the federation’s secondary feuds a bit of heat. These are the guys that are just a step away from the big time.

CWW Superfluous Champion: Chris Jericho

Now I know that some of the Gyeah guys are going to be mad that I don’t have Jericho up in the CWW heavyweight title picture, but the simple fact is that although he’s one of the most engaging and versatile characters in the business, I still don’t see him having everything I want in a heavyweight champion...yet. Jericho is a great worker with a good arsenal of moves, but his recent tendency to finish matches with the Lionsault is a bit under whelming. Remember when it used to be a set-up move? However, If there’s any justice in this world, Chris Jericho will soon be one of the real high rung superstars.

Number 1 Contender: Scott Steiner

You simply can’t deny that this guy has all the tools of a great wrestler. His body is phenomenal, he’s probably one of the top three heels out there and his gimmick is spectacular. With that said, the only thing that keeps Steiner out of the CWW Heavyweight picture is that his attitude is a bit suspect and there have been questions about how he is willing to put over. With that being said, Steiner would make a perfect high-rung heel in these supplemental angles that take place in the Superfluous title picture.

Also Ran #1: Kane

The Big Red Machine really has all the tools to be one of the top guys in the industry as long as he continues to improve on his in ring arsenal. Kane’s promo possibilities are endless, as we’ve yet to really hear much more than an infrequent little short from him. In my mind, Kane’s promos have been phenomenal in the WWF because they stray toward a typical e-wrestling type promo instead of the regular WWF material. Whether this is exactly a good thing in the long run is still questionable, but for the time being, the possibilities for some mind blowing stuff is there. Also, you can’t dispute how incredibly over Kane already is, as the WWF has put together a great package of gimmick, costume and entrance for this beast.

Also Ran #2: Lance Storm

Storm has the look, the technical skills and a great microphone style, if not exceptional speaking skills. “If I could be serious for a moment,” you all know that you’re hooked on the Lance Storm promo. The ECW product from Calgary...Alberta, Canada is one of the real up and coming stars in the game and has the great technical skills that anyone who is anything more than a mark will fall in love with. The Canadian Maple Leaf has to be one of the weakest finishers in the game, but you can’t deny that with all the ways he can put it on his opponent, it makes for a great element of surprise in his matches. Other than Booker T, this is the one guy on the WCW roster that I couldn’t live without.

Also Ran #3: Jeff Jarrett

We all know about J-e-double f, J-a-double r-e-double t by now. He’s been in the game for years and he still looks pretty damn young out there. Honestly, Jarrett is one of the best workers out there and makes a great heel. Besides Steiner, no one was more over in WCW during their final run. Personally, I’m not a huge Jarrett fan, but from the standpoint of someone who is running a federation, I would be doing myself a great disservice by not signing Jarrett on. (I wonder if Vince heard that?)

Also Ran #4: Vampiro

Yeah, I bet you forgot about this guy. I don’t really know what it is about Vampiro, but his character just seems to have a great mix of the chaotic heel and the somewhat sarcastic street punk of the future. He has a pretty decent set of moves on him and good stick skills that will help his heel status. If you can get the “Vampiro vs. Sting” era Vamp, you’ve got a solid mid-level heel for your promotion that could possibly even work up to a fan favorite.

Also Ran #5: Bret Hart

“The Excellence of Execution” has consistently been one of the top guys in the sport for years, even through the career killing move to WCW. Bret has proven that he can be a top level face or a top level heel, but I guess there simply isn’t any room for him in the world of Vince McMahon’s sports entertainment. It’s really a shame because his sharpshooter has been putting The Rock over for months now, even though Rocky’s technical skills are questionable at best. “The Hitman” is a great veteran who deserves better than he’s been handed over the past three years.

Also Ran #6: Diamond Dallas Page

Sure, I know he’s getting up in age and all, but DDP still has great fan appeal wherever he goes. This is a guy that understands the game and isn’t afraid to take some chances or put some of the new guys over. DDP may not be the most polished wrestler out there, but he does have a good set of moves that make him a great addition to any roster.

Also Ran #7: Test

Just look at Test. He’s big, he’s fast, he’s talented and he’s a great worker. You know you marked out for the few matches he’s had with Triple H, even if you won’t admit it. This guy is all the WWF has him cracked up to be: a future star.

Also Ran #8: Rikishi

Although it seems that the WWF doesn’t know exactly what the hell to do with him right now, Rikishi is really one of the better draws out there. The only knock I have against him is that his weight really limits the types of moves most opponents can perform on him. Otherwise, let’s see them cheeks.

Missed The Cut: Sean Stasiak, Tommy Dreamer, Mike Awesome, Rick Steiner, Billy Gunn

If you can justify putting any of these four guys over any of the previous eight, I’d love to hear you try. Stasiak is good, but does anybody care? Dreamer looks like he should be Rocky’s sparring partner, Awesome has great ring skills, but I’ll take Test’s look over his any day. As far as the “Dog Faced Gremlin” goes, I think one Steiner per league is plenty. I personally love Billy Gunn, but I just can’t seem to find a good way to really put him over consistently.

CWW Heavyweight Title

CWW Heavyweight Champion: Triple H

Hunter Hearst Helmsley is simply the best out there, bar none. His character is always evolving, taking nice turns with every week and you could have him over as either the top heel or the top face in your fed. His promo skills are probably the best in the business, since unlike The Rock and Stone Cold, Triple H can put himself AND his opponent over with one interview. He has great wrestling ability and is versatile enough to make any type of match a show stopper. My one complaint is that I’ve never seen Hunter successfully complete a move from the top rope. WWF needs to let him hit the occasional top rope knee strike or something to throw the fans off. Otherwise, this is the one guy that I want to build my federation around.

Number 1 Contender: Stone Cold Steve Austin

Until recently, I’ve been losing a little faith in Stone Cold, but with his recent heel turn, you have to admit that Stone Cold has regained a bit of that spark that makes his character so special. You can’t deny the rush that you get each time you hear the glass shatter in the WWF, because whether you’re cheering or booing him, you know something pretty cool is about to happen. The matches he had with Beniot really helped show that the Rattlesnake isn’t just a one trick pony either. Oh, it doesn’t hurt that he’s even over with people who aren’t wrestling fans either.

Also Ran #1: Kurt Angle

Although WWF marks appreciate good wrestling about as much as I appreciate a kick in the groin, Kurt Angle is really one of the federation’s top heels. If you look at Angle, you know that he’s got all the tools that it takes to make a great wrestler and he backs them up by having the best execution of anyone out there. Angle gets my vote for best puncher in wrestling. This guy’s only been in the limelight for two years now and he’s already huge. The only reason that he’s not my top guy is that Triple H has all Angle does plus a more solid character and Stone Cold’s heel possibilities are really nice.

Also Ran #2: Chris Benoit

You could say a lot of the same things I said about Angle here. You know that you want to cheer Beniot. He could be one of the best faces in the business if WWF would just let his character flow. He wouldn’t even have to be a classic face. (Let me let you in on a little secret, there is no such thing as a true face in wrestling anymore, it’s just a matter of who you attack.) Beniot has all the skills you could ever want in a wrestler and a great look to go along with it.

Also Ran #3: The Rock

“The Great One” slips a little on my list because his character is about as stale as month old bread at this point. I’ve heard the saying, “Find what works and stick with it,” but this is ridiculous. I’ll go out and say that I’m personally a huge Rock fan, but the simple fact is that his character just can’t compete with the versatility of my top four guys. The Rock has a limited set of moves that he executes nicely, but he really needs to find some new material to excite the crowd with. The good things about The Rock have to be that he probably sells moves better than anyone out there and he does everything at an amazing clip. The guy is a great athlete and you can see it in how he bounces up after a spinebuster or when he sells a Stunner. If the WWF could figure out a way to freshen up his character, he’d probably be my top guy, but as they say, such is life.

Also ran #4: The Undertaker

WWF really found something here with the “American Badass” gimmick. ‘Taker gained my respect yet another time during his recent feud with HHH. When Hunter had the ‘Taker trapped under his bike and was about to waffle his head with a steel chair, you could hear him say, “Yeah, you’d better make it a good shot.” For a moment there, Hunter paused and it wasn’t because of the scripted Kane run-in that was about to happen. I don’t know if that line was scripted or not, but that little moment and the way Hunter reacted to it made that show for me. You have to admit that this angle has given the Deadman new life. I can’t say that I miss the old Undertaker at all, especially since people can relate to this newer gimmick much better.

Also Ran #5: Booker T

He has the look, he has the skills and he’s a great veteran leader. Booker has a great appeal that will make him easy to put over for any fed head with half a brain. I’m not a big fan of the “Book End” as I think one Rock Bottom per company is plenty. If you could find Booker a good, quick striking finisher, (*cough* Midnight Requiem, *cough*) he’ll be one of the most entertaining guys to watch in the future.

Also Ran #6: Goldberg

Goldberg is still an unfinished product, but the tools he has now are a great base for success. He has a great body and speed and a really nice in-ring style. You can’t deny that this guy does have that testosterone based animal magnetism that just draws you in. My personal belief is that although an Austin/Goldberg feud is what people are hoping for, a Goldberg/Rock feud would be the real showstopper. These two guys have fairly similar bodies and great athletic ability. If the WWF could get Goldberg interested in their brand of wrestling, I think these two could have some classic matches. The only question I have about that situation is, “Who would play the heel?” I’d like to see Goldberg as the face in that feud, as it would be a nice twist to what the “big three” have caused us to expect over the years.

Also Ran #7: Shawn Michaels

“The Heartbreak Kid,” rumored to come back to the ring soon, is one of the most entertaining characters out there. The WWF hasn’t been able to create any type of character with the raw appeal that HBK had during the DX years. Sure, some may say that The Rock has done it, or that Stone Cold has done it, but the simple fact is that HBK is one of those characters that brings it every time he comes through the curtains. From his pyro-laced entrance to his polished promo skills and amazing ring skills, HBK has it all.

Also Ran #8: William Regal

I know I’ll draw a little heat for this one, but Regal is just such an unorthodox character that he would make a great addition to my roster. Remember, although he’s been wrestling for years, the WWF is completely re-tooling his arsenal now and he’s still improving. On the last Turner based WCW, I heard Tony Schivone make a jab at Regal about, “having to put your ass over.” I hate to tell the boys in Atlanta, but WCW never put Regal over. The WWF did. I like his style and his promo skills enough to give him this final roster spot.

Missed The Cut: Kevin Nash, RVD, Scott Hall, The Big Show, Sting, Sid

Here’s how I see it. Nash’s time is winding down, RVD is very suspect, Hall will draw, but not enough to make having him around worth it, Big Show’s weight keeps people from having good matches with him, Sting has simply lost too much and Sid was never that good.

Additional Roster

Now that we have all our wrestlers in place, here’s my brief rundown of the supporting cast...

Federation Manager/Owner: Vince McMahon

Announcer: Jim Ross

Color: Jerry Lawler

Refs: Earl Hebner/Teddy Long/Mike Kiota

Ring Announcer: Lilian Garcia

Managers: Lita, Trish Stratus, Stacy, Stephanie McMahon

Active Female Wrestlers: Lita, Trish, Stephanie, Chyna, Molly Holly

Character Development/Writers: Pat Patterson, Ric Flair, STEVE GILLHAM

The only thing that is left is to pick my upper echelon of federation executives and with Vigilante, Goc and Nemesis around here, I should have no problem there. I’m sure Aron Rave would make an adorable mascot too, but that is another story. In all, this is my dream roster according to how I have ranked the wrestlers of the WWF, WCW and ECW. I’m sure some of you out there can make good cases for some of the Japanese and Mexican stars and I invite you to send in your comments. However, for those of you who wish to simply rant and rave about how great the Rock is and that my rankings are literary garbage, I challenge you to PROVE ME WRONG!

Peace and love my little juicedingos.

--Charmies

-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about Charmel? Here You Go.

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