For
many of us, the first week of school just ended, so this article couldn't come at a better
time. Personally, I'm in college and clothing and style matter to me about as much as who
Rosie O'Donnel's guest was today (meaning, I don't give two shits). But to some of you who
are still stuck in high school, fitting in and meeting certain styles is very important. I
remember how bad it was if you were rocking some weak clothing, you weren't getting any
looks from the females and some heavy mockery from the rich kids.
I remember one horror story from junior
high: Do you remember when Guess Jeans were popular? They were as cool as Zach Morris for
a good 5 year span or so. Well, I never really could afford any, but I think I got one
pair for Christmas. I was a scrawny bastard and wore pants that fit me (12 Slims...hell
gyeah). Well anyways, one day before school I just reached in the laundry basket and
snagged some Guess Jeans, I never gave 'em a second look, since I only had one pair. Well,
I get to school and suddenly someone starts giving me shit for wearing "girls
jeans." I was like a deer in headlights, frozen not knowing what the hell was going
on. Why are they women's jeans I wondered. Well, the little triangle thingy on the ass was
red, instead of green. I accidentally put on a pair of my mother's jeans that morning
instead of my own. That was one hellacious day.
Well, now that you've seen I've had my
own bad experiences with style, I'm here to attempt to help you avoid similar
embarrassment. I hope this helps....
Top 10
Back to School Styles to Avoid!
Rank |
Picture |
WHY?!?: |
#10. |
 |
Capri
Pants - I know alot of people are going to get pissy with me about this
one, but I'm sorry I hate these freaken things. They are just the result of a clothing
designer being too damn lazy. A long meeting was dragging on and no one could pull out any
good ideas, so some idiot said "how about we make half pants, half shorts," just
so he could get his ass to McDonalds before they ran out of Big N' Tastys. You like them
because The Gap tells you too, I refuse because the only gap I listen to is my
girlfriend's, haha. |
#9. |
 |
Mullets
- Everyone's rocked this hairstyle once in their life, and thankfully they
learned from the experience. Like sticking their penis in the vacuum, it only took one bad
experience for them to never try that again. Well, if you're not too bright, just steer
clear of this haircut, no matter what the stylist says about "business in front, and
party in the back." |
#8. |
 |
Clothing from the Gap/Old Navy - Have you ever seen a more
hilarious picture than the one on the left of the Buttstreak Boys in full Bert & Ernie
and Blue's Clues apparel. N'Sync needs to get T-shirts made with this picture on it, and
mock the Backlove Boys. This image and the words, "No wonder they're
alcoholics." Those clothes wouldn't drive me to drink, they made make me shoot
myself...in the face. But wait, N'Sync's just as flaming as BSB...damn. |
#7. |
 |
Wife Beaters - Now at first glance, this image looks
better than a beer on a hot day, but even Ron Jeremy can't stop me from hating the shirts
commonly referred to as "wife beaters." These things make you look like poor
white trash, even if you're black, rich, and famous...it's true. Also, am I the only one
who finds it odd that there is a shirt named after a crime as heinous as domestic
violence. I'm going to come out with some underoos called "F*cks Children in the
Ass," and see if they sell. |
#6. |
 |
The Mongoloid Face - How are you going to stick out from
the crowd if you have Down's Syndrome? All your buddies look just like you. Shave off your
eyebrows, sport a mowhawk, do something. (Editor's Note: We tried to
stop Goc from writing this, but the bastard is too sneaky. Hate him.) |
#5. |
 |
Zubaz Pants - Remember when these things were the
"future of sweat pants?" That has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever
heard. If you still wear these things, you're unemployed, played Nintendo 10 hours out of
the day, live with your mother, masturbate to Price is Right, and like to sew
pillows...then hump them. Think it's a coincidence? Think again. |
#4. |
 |
Big Johnson T-Shirts - Never, ever were these things cool.
I know the so-called "popular" kids wore them for a good year or so, but they
just aren't funny. They're for people too afraid to just walk up to someone and say
"I got a big f*cking dick!" Well, guess what...I don't! At least, I have the
balls to say that though. Yeah! :P |
#3. |
 |
Skin-tight Wranglers - You've shaved off your mullet, now
get rid of those god damn Wranglers. Just by glancing at you, I can tell that you have a 2
inch penis, because your spandex looking Wranglers aren't leaving a damn thing to the
imagination! I'm too smart to wear Wranglers, I wear baggy jeans to hid my amazingly small
junk, umm....I've said too much, I need a quick gay joke to change the subject. |
#2. |
 |
Fanny Packs - You know how rainbows are the symbol for
homosexuality, well I think fanny packs would be more effective. Whenever I see someone
with a fanny pack, after a few minutes of talking to them, I'm 100% positive they're gay.
So down with the rainbows, and up with the fanny packs! But if you're straight, stay the
hell away from these evil things to avoid confusing people. |
#1. |
 |
Men with Breasts - This one has to be considered painfully
obvious. As we all know, boobies are the two coolest things ever made by God, besides the
Olsen Twins (Note: I'm not a pederast...seriously). But boobs are for women...period, just
as drinking beer with your hands in your pants is strictly for men. You don't see women
growing dicks, so men let's keep the boobs to the women. Thank you. |
-Well that's it for my
fashion tips, I hope they save you some embarrassment this school year. But just remember
to take what I said with a grain of salt, because I'm still the guy who wore girl's Guess
Jeans to school. And everyone says, "Amen." |
