The
other night I happened to be consuming some alcohol and watching movies with friends. As
the night progressed the stack of empty beer cans and viewed movies became taller and
taller. Soon we were out of flicks and I was drunker than Vertigo preparing for his 21st
Birthday circumcision. As always, me and Shooks began discussing films and what we wished
we could make. I brought up GYEAH.com's failed Project Greenlight submitted screenplay, Don't Believe the Hype. But even I
admitted it needed alot of work. So we got our brains a working (mine was working at the
same capacity of Shooks, despite it soaking in barley and hops, hmmm) on a new movie idea.
I decided first we needed a good title, it's practically as important to a movie as the
plot these days.
Suddenly an idea for a title popped into
my head:
"Jimmy
Likes Bologna Sandwiches?"
Everyone in the room looked at me like I
was a complete and total idiot. And now looking back, I completely agree. But at the time,
I could see the masses flocking to see if/why Jimmy likes bologna sandwiches. I could even
envision our protagonist driving through the Mickey D's drive-up and requesting an
All-Bologna Big Mac, starring of course...Tom "I Act Like An Asshole" Green.
Was it the worst idea I've ever heard? It
honestly might have been, but something good actually came of it. Looking back on my
incoherent ramblings of the night before, I set out to the movie store to look for the
oddest and funniest movie titles I could find. I compiled a list of 10, and here they are
along with ratings for each movies comedy potential, cover image, and the predicted movie
quality (for films I haven't seen) and actual quality for those I have. -All Based on a 4
Star Scale, 4 Best, 1 Worst- Well, here goes...
Top 10
Oddest Movie Titles, I've Ever Heard Of!
| Movie Poster: |
WHY?!?: |
| #10. 
|
The
Legend of the Drunken Master - The premise behind this has got to
be the most hilarious thing I've ever heard. Apparently the more drinks Chan has, the
deadlier he becomes. I know after each beer I feel tougher, but a movie based on this
phenomenon? MARK OUT!
Comedy Factor: 
Cover Image:
Predicted Movie Quality: |
| #9. 
|
Snatch
- Is this a dirty porno or a movie about a jewel heist? You may call me
juvenile, but every time someone mentions this Guy Ritchie movie, I giggle like the first
time I heard "vagina" in health class. Any discussions involving this movie are
also guaranteed to be hilarious: "I just bought Snatch today." "How was
it?" "Pretty shallow, but an excellent ride." Comedy
Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Movie Quality: |
| #8. 
|
Killer
Klowns From Outer Space - This has got to be the best B-movie of
all time. Who in their right mind actually thought up the idea for this movie, believed it
would make money, and actually pitched it with a serious face to a movie producer? I find
it hard to believe that someone who thought up this would be able to put down the black
tar heroin long enough to actually make a movie. But the movie got made, and we now know
that to rid the world of killer clowns, just pop their noses. Duh!
Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Movie Quality: |
| #7. 
|
Frankenhooker
- Obviously, this is a comedy about a man who's trying to bring his girlfriend back to
life by reassembling body parts of New York City hookers. This movie is horribly
unoriginal to anyone who's seen Bride of the Re-Animator, but good god the title is
hilarious. Look at the tag line for more hilarity: "A Terrifying Tale of Sluts and
Bolts"
Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Predicted Movie Quality: |
| #6. 
|
Leprechaun
In the Hood - Who seriously would have thought that the Leprechaun
franchise would make it to this, the 5th sequel? It shouldn't have made it to number 2,
and this story of a "magic flute" turning 3 aspiring hip hoppers into P Diddy
Cubed can piss off. But every time I see this box at the movie store, I can't help but let
out a chuckle. And if that isn't enough, just think how pathetic Ice T must be to have
actually agreed to this horseshit. Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Predicted Movie Quality: |
| #5. 
|
Johnny
Skidmarks - This could quite possibly be the title that makes me
laugh the loudest. I know it's a stretch, but just say it out loud, "Johnny
Skidmarks." Doesn't it remind you of the nickname you gave the kid in 2nd grade who
always shat his pants?
Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Predicted Movie Quality: |
| #4. 
|
Flesh-Eating
Mothers - What sort of flesh are these mothers eating? Is it cow?
Deer? Hamster? By the looks of that picture, they're hungry housewives, they sucked that
damn skull dry. I haven't seen this movie, but the premise of Martha Stewart meets
Hannibal the Cannibal sounds equally hilarious and terrifying. Fear Martha! Fear Oxygen
TV! Fear Oprah! Fear Rosie! I know I do.
Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Predicted Movie Quality: |
| #3. 
|
Disco
Godfather - Dolemite is back ladies and gentleman, and he's looking
to combine the Mafia and...disco? WTF? I'm sorry, but in the eloquent words of Westside
Connection, "Gangsters don't dance...they boogie." And I couldn't imagine a
gangster "boogying" to disco. But this movie attempts to combine the two genres.
Does it look stupid? Yes. Do I want to see it? Hell Yes! Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Predicted Movie Quality: |
| #2. 
|
I
Dismember Mama - Remember that time mom sent you to your room for
stealing her Victoria Secret catalog, while now you can get revenge...as you cut her apart
piece by piece. Well maybe not, but that sounds like how the plot of a movie with a title
like this would go. Hey, it could be a sequel to Flesh Eating Mothers. "This Time
Mommys Eating My Knife, Bitch!" Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Predicted Movie Quality: |
| #1. 
|
Fat
Guy Goes Nutzoid! - This is hands down the greatest and most
hilarious movie title that there is and will ever be. Is there even another film with
"Nutzoid" in the title? There damn well should be, and any time a cover flat out
say there's a "fat guy" in the movie, I'm already sold. This movie tells the
story of a fat semi-retarded man who runs rampage on a town: stealing cars, projectile
vomiting, and shooting a police officer. It sounds hilarious, and it could have been, if
only we would have been in charge. Damn Hollywood! Comedy Factor:
Cover Image:
Movie Quality: |
-Well that's it for my list of the oddest
movie titles I've ever heard of. And if I have anything to say about it, some day soon you
will stroll through Blockbuster and see a box reading "Jimmy Likes Bologna
Sandwiches?" Wait with baited breath. |
