Loverboy

EDITOR'S NOTE: Aron Rave is Gyeah.com's honorary Canadian. Therefore, his primary language is NOT English. Enjoy!

Sooo, you’re all alone for this summer right? Yet again? Ha ha, this is something that doesn’t happen to me. Hell no. Me, in Quebec, they call me “Loveratus”, which means “The lover boy every girls wants to rape”. Yes it’s true. I’m quite a great man, but I want to share some tips with you, true Gyeah.com fans (and most of all, MY fans. Thank you.) Here’s the top ten for you, future lover boys.

#10: The Good Spot

Still searching for hot sex on the net? Forget it bastard. You need the perfect place to flirt and that place is: Outside. Yeah, get the hell away from your computer dammit. Just take a look around, try to find something that you can participate in. Seen American Pie? The guy that sing get the girl at the end. Why won’t you? Go dance, sing, making movies (hehe my choice), just do something!

#9: The Smell

Ok that one is an easy one, but how many of you think:, oh, it’s just a detail. Details, details, that what girls are looking for. So PLEASE, for God’ sake, put at least some antiperspirant. The smell of old fish is NOT a good way to get you noticed by the girl of your dream.

#8: The Clothing

Here’s a tough one. Clothing doesn’t mean you have to wear clothes so expensive you can’t get out of your house. It means wearing the right things at the right place. If you go in a chic restaurant, don’t go to your date wearing pants so large that they can fall at any minute. Wear what you want, just don’t look like a damn idiot.

#7: The Attitude

Now, listen closely because there’s something special about attitude. Or you have too much of it, or you have not enough of it. If you never try to girl, you might want a little bit of “pure macho attitude”, to at least let them know you exist. If you are the kind that touch every girls’ ass and ask them to come get some in the backseat of your car, try to be least… stupid.

#6: The Catch Phrase

Yeah, just like in wrestling! Except “Suck it” doesn’t work here. Also, try to stay away from “Did it hurt when you felt from heaven?” and shit like that. And forget your own expression like “Hey baby wanna ride the biggest beast around?”. Just talk about something not linked to sex or sport. Ask her the time, for a lighter, anything! Introduce yourself gently.

#5: The Conversation

This is quite important. Looking around and answering “Yeah yeah yeah” when the girl talks is something that will get her foot in your ass. Don’t talk to much about yourself, don’t let her talk all the time, it’s all about balance. A good conversation about music or movie, if she like that. If she like something else, talk about whatever it is. Just don’t talk about how you once puke on your dog because your brother put vodka in your water or some shit like that. She might be more interested in you if you don’t talk about how incredibly yellow your pee was yesterday.

#4: The Truth

We all know a little lie there and there can help a relationship. But you are flirting, not getting married. If you lie, you will get lost into your own stories. If you NEVER been to Cuba last year, don’t say you did. If you didn’t won the baseball championship this season, don’t tell the story about how your homerun made your team win. Because somehow, she will know someone who know someone that WON that damn championship, and you will look like a damn stupid bastard.

#3: The Lie

Hmm… I know I just said NOT to lie, but I’m talking about THE lie. THE one that you will always remember, the one that nobody know is not true. You are a 27 year old virgin? Does everybody really need to know about it? It’s not that bad if you try to act like if, somehow in your life, you got some of it.

#2: The Humor

Ah! You are on Gyeah.com, so you know what good humor is. What girls want, is to have fun. If you look serious like an IRS guy, forget it. Don’t you dare telling joke about blonde if the girl is blonde, it can get you in trouble, but other than that, just make her laugh.

#1: Have Fun!

May sound stupid, but if getting a girl is pissing you off because you think they are all bitches, well screw you and get Playstation 2. If you have fun trying to get girls, you will have even more fun later.

So this is it, do it and you will become the hottest guy around!! And that because of Gyeah.com, and of course of me Aron Rave. Now if you would excuse me, I got to play Ken Griffey Jr. Super Nintendo baseball game, because I sucks when I talks with girls.

-For all comments, reviews, or arguments about why Captain America sucks so bad, e-mail me at oliverjobine@hotmail.com.