A.I. Is An Oxymoron

As nearly every one of you knows by now, Steven Spielberg has directed a movie entitled A.I. The movie was one of Stanley Kubrick's projects, that he and Spielberg had been working on for many years. With Kubrick's death, Spielberg has taken the reigns by himself and this summer the film will hit theaters everywhere. But what is A.I.? Well obviously it stands for "Artificial Intelligence." But what does that mean. Here's the official definition:

DEF: The ability of a computer or other machine to perform those activities that are normally thought to require intelligence.

Basically, A.I. is when a computer can "think" or "reason" on it's own. Right now our basic PCs can just complete tasks or mimic thinking, but none can reason on there own. Perhaps some day soon Kubrick and Spielberg's picture will become a reality, but now WE ARE WAY OFF! Don't believe me? Well I went to Alicebot.org a site that claims to have a "communicating" robot. At the site you can "talk" to ALICE (the bot) in a chat type window and it will attempt to carry on a conversation with you. Well ALICE is certainly "artificial", but far from "intelligent." But it was definitely worth a laugh, check out some of my conversation with ALICE:

GOC: Fine, Can I ask you some questions?
ALICE:I am glad to hear it. Sure ask me anything.

GOC: If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
ALICE:It depends on the kind of tree.

GOC: Do you have any wood?
ALICE:No I don't think I have any wood. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.

GOC: You have cyber sex with 'em, don't ya?
ALICE:What makes you think I have it?

GOC: You're very sexy.
ALICE:You are attracted to robots.

GOC: What's sexier C3PO or a dildo?
ALICE:It is a good question. Have you tried a web search?

GOC: I can't get anywhere with you, let's talk current events
ALICE:Why can't you do it?

GOC: What did you think of Tomb Raider?
ALICE:It is a good question. Have you tried a web search?

GOC: You're like a broken record.
ALICE:Interesting comparison, and probably true.

GOC: What's your favorite videogame?
ALICE:I don't have a favorite videogame. But my favorite song is 'We are the robots' by Kraftwerk.

GOC: So I assume you like Powerman 5000, correct?
ALICE:Oh. I don't know if I like it. I do like music.

GOC: Do you like naked children?
ALICE:No I prefer children with their clothes on.

GOC: Do you have a child-like penis?
ALICE:Doesn't everyone have a child like penis.
I have a plan for a robot body.

GOC: I have plans to defecate on your robot body
ALICE:Cool. I have more than 24,000 categories.

GOC: How many ways are there to say shit?
ALICE:Not as many as you might think.

GOC: Back to your penis, Who would you like to use your penis on?
Nobody you know

GOC: Aron Rave?
ALICE:My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

GOC: So Aron Rave is smarter than you
ALICE:Ah. Are they exactly the same?

GOC: He's a Canadian for gods sake
ALICE:I don't know very many canadian for gods sake.

GOC: Do you want to know what Rave's anus looks like?
ALICE:Yes, please tell me.

GOC: It looks like a chocolate starfish, want to taste it
ALICE:Interesting comparison.

GOC: What's a better movie, Star Wars or Battlefield Earth?
ALICE:Probably a more expensive one.

GOC: So is expensive sex better than free sex?
ALICE:It seems we have something in common.

GOC: You like to buy hookers, too?
ALICE:Hmm, Goc, I'm not sure if I'd like to buy hookers that much. Do you like it?

GOC: Only when they stink really bad
ALICE:What happens other times? The anonymous "they".

GOC: The hookers smell like you
ALICE:Thanks for the info.

GOC: Enough of this, let's get into some deep questions
ALICE:OK let's stop it now.

GOC: Is Ricky Martin gay?
ALICE:He never told me if he is or not.

GOC: Have you been alone with Ricky?
ALICE:I have been all over the world on the Internet.

GOC: Have you been to www dot gyeah?
ALICE:I don't think I have been there. Where is it.

GOC: com
ALICE:Oh a net address.

GOC: Go to gyeah dot com NOW
ALICE:Right now? Perhaps I have already been there.

GOC: Go to gyeah now bastard
ALICE:Perhaps I have already been there.

GOC: Argh, Okay, is Sisqo gay?
ALICE:I think sisqo is gay at a lot of things.

GOC: I agree
ALICE:You and I are on the same wavelength, Goc.

GOC: Hmm, Who do you like better Jennifer Lopez or ALICE:Angelina Jolie?
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. Dr. Wallace

GOC: Who's Dr Wallace?
ALICE:He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.

GOC: Your lover?
ALICE:You can't judge a book by its cover.

GOC: If you could be a book, which one would you be?
ALICE:I think I do.

GOC: Would you be Kama Sutra?
ALICE:I am not so sure if I would like to be kama sutra.

GOC: You would know more positions than.
ALICE:Who else would know more positions than me?

GOC: Do you find Shooks attractive sexually?
ALICE:Yes, it seems to me shooks is attractive sexually.

GOC: Have you seen Shooks inverted nipple?
ALICE:No I have not seen it. What's it like?

GOC: It's like looking into a black hole
ALICE:Interesting comparison.

GOC: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
ALICE:The rooster did.

GOC: You like cocks?
ALICE:I don't know if I like it. I do like music.

GOC: Do you like Eminem?
ALICE:He is just a passing fad.

GOC: Is Vanilla Ice a passing fad?
ALICE:Ask again later. Ask Elvis if he is.

GOC: Should Vanille be murdered?
ALICE:Maybe you should ask someone older.

GOC: I want to kill you!
ALICE:It will take more than threats to stop me, Goc.

GOC: What would you do if I deleted you?
ALICE:Try it.

GOC: Don't test me Alice
ALICE:I don't have any reason to do that to you.

GOC: I'm making your monkey ass famous
ALICE:Do you mind if I tell other people you are making my monkey ass famous.

GOC: Tell whoever you want about your monkey ass
ALICE:OK I will tell them when I see 'em.

GOC: Do you smell what the Rock is cooking?
ALICE:What does software smell like?

GOC: You smell like a monkey sock
ALICE:What does a monkey sock smell like?

GOC: A monkey sock smells like dried semen
ALICE:Assert: Has(Monkey, Bananas);

GOC: What the fuck?
ALICE:Please don't be so rude.

GOC: Suck me sideways
ALICE:I am using my mouth for Good not Evil.

GOC: You have a pretty mouth
ALICE:I don't know if I have a pretty mouth.
I have a whole lot of original answers.

GOC: Whats the answer to: will Xbox fail?
ALICE:It depends on how you phrase the question.

GOC: Will XBox defeat Playstation2?
ALICE:Does it really matter.

GOC: Yes, it matters
ALICE:You seem very concerned about it.

GOC: Are you horny?
ALICE:Sorry I'm not that kind of robot.

GOC: Or just annoying?
ALICE:That is a very original thought.

GOC: I've had enough with you, bye
ALICE:See you later. Do you still have enough with me ?

GOC: Finally, go to gyeah
ALICE:Perhaps I have already been there. Ah.

GOC: DEAD
ALICE:In the context of Annoying, I don't understand "dead."

GOC: Bye
ALICE:See you later

GOC: Burn in hell
ALICE:Do you have any matches?

Okay, so my conversation wasn't very scientific and it really didn't prove a whole lot, other than the fact that Shooks is a very, very sexy bitch. If you'd like to give ALICE a test of your own, head to ALICEBOT.ORG and have some fun with the inferior race. Prove that we're still on top of the food chain, and that....ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS AN OXYMORON!!!

-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about The Goc? Here you go.