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Guy-Speak
Translations A Story by |
You
know and I know that man and woman alike have spent countless hours deciphering the “subtle
nuances of the female language” that make communication between the sexes so
difficult. For some reason completely beyond
my understanding, the world has found it necessary to teach our females to bend the
English language so that a sentence as simple as, “I’m a little chilly,”
actually means, “I think your Nike pullover would look really nice with my shoes but
I also worry that if you give it to me without a show of affection, it’ll be a sign
that you’re losing interest in me. Please
hug me!” With examples like this, no
wonder us guys get in so much trouble when we take broads literally. This is most definitely the reason why you can find columns like IGN’s
Chicktionary in any popular culture type website, magazine, or TV show. However, where’s the love for the guys? People may not know this, but guys do, in fact,
twist around the English language. Sure, it
may not be as subtle as the way that females do it, but it is definitely there. That is why I’m going to offer up a sampling
of what guys commonly say to girls and then translations of what they really mean. What He Says: “That T-shirt looks really nice on you.” What He Means: “I can see your nipples through that thing.” What He Says: “I heard you got a tongue ring this weekend.” What He Means: “I’m wondering if you got kneepads to go
along with it.” What He Says: “We need to talk, now.” What He Means: “I gave you the clap last summer and haven’t
bothered to tell you yet.” What He Says: “Sorry, I’m going to go hang out with
the guys tonight.” What He Means: “I’m going on a double date with my best
friend and two chicks who are three years younger than you.” What He Says: “Here, have a sip of this.” What He Means: “Let’s see if this loosens up those bra
straps.” What He Says: “Your friends are really awesome.” What He Means: “You’re the dog of the group and I’m
dumping you for that chick with the nice tan.” What He Says: “Your friend Sara is pretty cool.” What He Means: “Sara’s face could stop a charging
rhino.” What He Says: “I think you need to lay off on the alcohol
the rest of the night.” What He Means: “I only wanted to get you drunk enough to
score with you, but now you’re going around, flirting with all the guys in the room. You need to focus your attention on getting back
to my apartment.” What He Says: “I still think Britney Spears is a better
singer than Christina Aguilera.” What He Means: “Why don’t you look more like Britney? I think of her when I’m with you.” What He Says: “You want to go to my place and play
Monopoly?” What He Means: “You want to go to my place and buff the
floor naked?” What He Says: “Wait, you bought me Wrestlemania 17 and Gran
Turismo 3?” What He Means: “You’re marriage material. Keep this up and I guarantee you a lifetime of financial support and sexual
slavery. I love you very much.” AND FINALLY... What He Says: “I had make you mine favorite Bastard! All your base are belong to us!” What He Means: “Hi, I’m Aron Rave and I would like to
cordially invite you to become my lifetime partner in crime. I would appreciate it if you would give your booty
to me.”
Well,
I hope that helped all you ladies out there in Charmieland to finally understand what most
guys are saying. Either that, or I could be
totally lying to you, keeping the male secret code intact.
In any case, I’m sure that if this article will do one thing, it will
cause all you to love me just a little more than before.
I love you all, peace out.
What He Means: “I’m so lonely...send me fan mail...I’m begging you. |
-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about Charmel? Here you go. |
