Only In Iowa

For some reason, God choose for me to be born in Iowa. I'm a huge fan of new technology, videogames, movies, and entertainment in general. So why did I get dropped in the land of cow pies and Dickies overalls? I'll never now. Perhaps it's some master plan where together us crazy Iowans (Skow, Hoss, Favre, Shooks, and others) will take over the state capitol, rename the state 'GYEAH.com' and bring some flava to this flava-less wasteland. But right now Iowa still...sucks.

Why does Iowa suck? Well it's because nothing freaken happens here. Not a damn thing. When Memento came to a theater in my state, I bounced off the walls. When a Best Buy gets built in a nearby town, I drive by it and mark out for every brick of progress. Pretty pathetic, huh? Yeah well that's entertainment Iowa style.

Today as I was browsing through the Des Moines Register (by far Iowa's biggest newspaper and most prestigious) and I noticed an article. This article was on the front page, and it proves without a doubt that Iowa is a different, different place. Don't believe me, check out the article's title:

"Court enters mind of 'vicious' cow"

THIS WAS ON THE FRONT PAGE!!!! For gods sake people. Basically the article was about a recent court case where a neighbor was helping another neighbor with his cows. It seems that one cow decided to up and kick the neighbor! The 'mad' cow snapped and kicked through a fence, breaking the neighbor's leg.

Basically the article said that the neighbor (John Walkup) had sued the cow's owner (David Mauldin) and won $10,000 for medical and other costs. But the awarding was appealed as the court "got into the mind" of the bovine in question. What goes through the mind of a crazy ass cow?

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Hell if I know, but the court said they couldn't find a motive for the "bovine kick in the leg." Was their a cow psychiatrist on the stand? Did bessie take the stand and proclaim her innocence with a chorus of "moo's". The article leaves out the juicy details, but if you were a cow and you had to have your genitals ripped upon by another species every day for your life, don't you think you would have more than enough "motive" to send out an occasional kick? Shit, you should have the right to take over the damn place Animal Farm style and start running shit. Playing poker, while Farmer Bill is outside in bondage.

But that's not the point of this article, the point is to show that how lame Iowa truly is. And to prove the point, that the shit that happens in Iowa, would only go down in Iowa. And the comedy doesn't stop there. Check out the final paragraph of this front page news:

"Mauldin says he still has the cow, but his friendship with WAlkup appears to be lost. "I still wave at him when I see him going up the road but he won't wave at me," Mauldin said."

What the hell people? Feuding farmers = front page news. A great friendship is ruined by one unruly heifer. It's all in a days work, in the great state of Iowa.

In closing, appreciate your state...as long as it isn't Iowa...you're better off than me.

-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about The Goc? Here you go.