| Are you ready for a
bitching of epic proportions? A rant that's louder than when you just wanted to play one
game of Madden on the day that happened to be your girlfriend's birthday. A bitching
that's worse than if you ate out a stranger in your friends bed, and they found out about
it. There's a trend in society that I've been disgusted by for years. Hate and anger has
boiled inside me, just waiting for the day to let go. Well, I'm afraid today's the f*cking
day. With that said, let's get this party started.... WHAT THE F*CK IS WITH BOTTLED WATER?!? Is this not the biggest scam in the history of the world? Selling swamp land in Florida, pills that make your breasts grow, Dr. Ho's shock therapy, Miss Cleo's psychic readings...these all pale in comparison to the scam that is bottled water. Don't believe me? Well I'll elaborate, you're damn right I'll elaborate. Okay, what's the most plentiful resource in the world? WATER! So why are we paying over a dollar for a mere 20 ounces of Aquafina brand water? I know there's not streams and great lakes containing Fastco Cola, but I can get 12 ounces of that for 2 nickels. Am I the only one who sees a problem there? Some people believe that Pepsi or Coke costs more than Fastco or other generic sodas because of the taste factor. Well how does that explain bottled water? The whole point of water is it doesn't have a f*cking taste. It's like air, it's just there. Shouldn't that mean that anything with "flavor" should cost more than water. If the world were the NBA, water is the Bill Cartwright of the world. He's big as hell and all over the place, but doesn't really do any damn good. He's not flashy, he's not good tasting, he doesn't put asses in seats. Some people are probably huffing and puffing right about now arguing how Aquafina, Evian, and other bottled waters are higher quality and are even above normal water, in the category of "spring water." Well, I'm sorry but I got a serious problem with this claim. I've heard all the propaganda how this bottled water is "all-natural" and comes from "real springs and streams." Well, I'm sorry but you're full of more shit than Shook's ass. If this was real spring water and came straight from real streams, then why isn't there a tadpole or something floating in every few bottles? If it's all natural why isn't there some fool's piss in there who went swimming in said stream. I know I've mentioned this already, but it's such a glaring point that it has to be mentioned again. Water is the most plentiful resource in the world...hello people? If you're going to be stupid and pay a dollar for a small bottle of water, then I got some air to sell your ass. 50 bucks a month, and I'll let your ass breathe, thank you very fucking much. I'm sorry but selling water is a plot worse than even Bill Gates would attempt. People are stupid, there's no other way to say it. I've pondered this point for man years of my life and one day me and Skizzow devised a plan to exploit the public's idiotic consumption of bottled water. We were thinking, hey we got water and it's only costing us a few pennies a gallon from the city. So let's buy up a shitload of empty gallon jugs, drag the garden house out and go to town. All these bottled water companies talk about how they "filter" their product. Well I'll rip the old screen door off the house, run the water through that and BAM...filtered. Slap a pretty label on it and BAM we're in business EPMD. Straight from the GYEAH.com streams. We might even squirt in some semen if we're bored and run a promotion where if you find "sea monkeys" in your jug, you'll win a free ass-kicking or something. Sounds stupid don't it? Well not nearly as stupid as buying bottled water. Everybody say "word." |
-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about The Goc? Here you go. |
