 |
Never Trust Foreigners! Written by Skizzow |
Ok, now I've seen it all! Having gone to a very liberal college in the University of Iowa, I thought I'd seen just about everything out there. Boy was I wrong. This past Labor Day weekend I went back to Iowa to see the family. Monday morning, I decided to get a good start on the journey back to Chicago and get ahead of most of the traffic so I started the 5 hour voyage at about 7am. After about an hour of traveling on the interstate I was thanking god that I was in Iowa because, talk all the shit you want, but at least we have Rest Stops (and I can't say that about a lot of other states.... cough.... Illinois....cough)! Anyways as I'm exiting off of interstate 80 to hit the rest stop I feel the wrenching pain in the lower bowels, shits coming soon, very soon (literally)! Its very Finch-like, from the first American Pie. I was wishing I had a cork. Back to the story. So I come to a screeching halt in the Altima in front of the shitter building and jumped out of the car....carefully to keep the butt cheeks together because who knows what would happen if I got careless. I run into the bathroom and head for the stalls. Of course the first one is totally backed up because for some reason there's always the person who thinks they need to use an entire roll for one skat. By now I'm working up a straight lather and breaking a sweat, so I just head for the last stall, the double wide handicap one. I tear off the drawls and hit the seat just in time, praising Allah that he gave me enough time to make it to the toilet. All of sudden two foreigners walk in and I think they were
speaking Russian (Editor's note: Skizzow wouldn't be able to tell the difference between
Japanese, Russian or Spanish anyway). I hear one the these fella's coming over to the
stalls and I see his feet walk into the stall next to me. I didn't really think much of it
except I caught a blast of some alligator skin cowboy boots and did a double take to make
sure my mind wasn't playin' tricks on me. This time I saw no shoes what so ever. I'm
thinkin' what the f*ck????? I'm still hearing someone over there though, toilet paper
being torn off and shiz like that. So I start thinking maybe he's got fake legs and he
took them off to put in some work on the shitter, but wouldn't he fall in????? Then I
start hearing some grunting and a loud splash, like he was dropping hot ones from a good
distance. By now I'm finishing up and all of a sudden urine starts hitting the bowl and
the floor in the stall beside me. Once again I'm like "what the f*ck" and I pick
up my legs so I don't get hit by any shrapnel!!! Next I see him step down one leg at a
time from the toilet and I hear the toilet lid slam down. The bastard piece of shit was
standing (I would say squatting but really, who knows) on the toilet and pinching a
loaf.....what the f*ck, who taught these people how to shit? I know some people have a
phobia of public restrooms but this is ridiculous. The best part is, as I'm getting up off
the pot I notice that the stall door and walls are only about shoulder height, so the
social degenerate was probably looking down over me while I was looking under the stall,
searching for feet. |
-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about Skizzow? Here you go. |
