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Will you be my...ah screw it. A Review by |
| If this movie was a prostitute, you would pay for her, take
her home, have average yet boring sex with her and then fall asleep with her at your
side....only to wake up next to the family dog, with your hand in a jar of strawberry
jelly, and your butt hurting. That ending just made zero f-ing sense, but trust me it
seems beliveable if you see Valentine's climax as feasible. This movie is another in a long line of teenybopper aimed slasher flicks that throws sense out the window in the attempt to get a surprise ending. I'm just as big a fan as everyone else of twist endings, I loved Fight Club, American Psycho, and Sixth Sense. But this isn't a twist, it's just plain bullshit. The way I see it, the people behind this movie knew the first hour and a half sucked goat balls, so why not throw throw a twist ending in the last 5 minutes and hopefully send some people home happy. Sure maybe some of you liked the ending, and your IQ is also well-below that of your average mongoloid, and you're probably a fan of the Backstreet Boys (trust me, you are). Alas, I don't fit into any of these 3 categories mentioned. But you're thinking, "well, what the hell is the movie about? Forget about the ending you bastard!" Okay here's the lowdown: Valentine opens up with a flashback scene from a junior high dance where the three main female leads (including Denise Richards) shoot down token geek boy, Jeremy Melton, when he asks them to dance. Flash forward to the future, where the girls are now suddenly being hunted by a Cupid Mask wearing killer who goes by the initials, JM. One by one the women drop, leaving only the question...who is the killer? Is it Melton? The movie has a few moments: the attack with the crossbow ala Cupid's arrow is a nice touch and the maggot infested choclates you have to love, but all in all, the movie just runs through the paces boring the entire way, well maybe the ending isn't boring...BUT IT'S DAMN ANNOYING! Avoid this movie, even if you're just going to watch
Denise Richards in some revealing moments...instead rent Wild Things..you'll be much more
satisfied...trust me. |
-Now that you've read something, he's written. Wouldn't you like to find out more about Goc? Here you go. |
out of four.
